Good morning Peeps !!
So, I am nearly finished reading Angie Smith’s ‘I will Carry You’. Now, I knew of this story quite some time ago as I am a big Selah fan (hymns ROCK) (Angie’s husband Todd is the lead singer) so had heard of this after it happening etc. I had watched a few interviews with Todd & Angie but had simply never gotten around to ordering and then reading the book.
I cannot even tell you how blessed I have been by reading this book, and on so many levels too. The interesting thing though is that I don’t identify with Angie when it comes to the loss of a child, as I have never experienced it.. not even with a close family member as Angie’s family did with Todd’s sister losing her son Luke to SIDS only a month after their Audrey went to be with The Lord. I have been blessed in other areas… my parenting, my walk with The Lord, my relationship with my husband and so much more.
You could easily, as I did, assume that you know what you’re going to get out of this book before you even read it. The loss of a child, experiencing God’s peace in their terrible situation, and coming out the other side a stronger person experiencing a closer relationship with God. Yes, that all happens… but OH MY GOODNESS so much more !!!
I did cry a lot when reading this book.. like a LOT !!!! Like a really really LOT ! The Mother’s heart is soft and tender towards her children and the idea of having something so terrible happen to them is beyond comprehension for most people. I mean, we could certainly try and put ourselves in Angie’s position as she takes us through each and every experience in her book (More crying), but what can easily overwhelm me is that reading about it, imagining it, feeling her pain through reading the words on the page, would not even come close to the pain you would feel to actually experience that type of loss yourself.
Now, THAT right there is where I can stumble. I have to work VERY hard to not fall into fear at this point. As I said, I’ve never lost a child, not even to miscarriage etc. I did experience great sadness and guilt when finding out my boys were blind and had a difficult road ahead, but nothing was ever life threatening and when you get right down to it, it’s been a great outcome overall. I don’t know why but I decided to torture myself last night by searching up a few YouTube tributes to babies lost in ways similar to Audrey. They are, to say the very lease, heartbreaking. I mean, seriously, the idea of holding you dead baby in your arms…. TORTURE !!!
It would have to test your faith. I did love that Angie was so honest in her book. She told us that she screamed at God in those times, she begged him to ‘re-think’ His plan, she got angry with Him… and don’t we all do that at times. What is so fantastic though is that God is ok with that, as long as we take all that to HIM !! He KNOWS Angie’s pain, He gave His only son, He watched Him suffer, He watched Him tortured and treated in ways no human should ever be treated. It hurt Him so much to see what was being done to His son. Imagine what it would have taken for Him to not intervene when we all know He could have. Jesus was so humble in His attitude in EVERY situation. It blows me away to meditate on just how much he endured for US. When we can focus on the blessings we have as a result of His sacrifice… a no-barrier relationship with God, the friend we have in The Holy Spirit, the protection we have in being armed with warfare tools, and the peace we have though Jesus Christ, as well as so much more.
I did particularly love a point in the book that spoke to parenting and how we need to gauge when our children are old/mature enough for certain knowledge. Angie experienced this many times with 5yr old twins and a 2.5yr old. How much info can they take in to their tender hearts? What is ok for them to see? A wonderful excerpt from Corrie Ten Boom’s ‘The Hiding Place’ was included.
“And so seated next to my father in the train compartment, I suddenly asked, “Father, what is sexsin?”
He turned to look at me, as he always did when answering a question, but to my surprise he said nothing. At last he stood up, lifted his traveling case off the floor and set it on the floor.
Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?” he said.
I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning.
It’s too heavy,” I said.
Yes,” he said, “and it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It’s the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger, you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you.”
What is also very relevant here is the ‘Parenting inside the funnel’ teaching found in the Growing Kids God’s Way course by the Growing Families ministry . DH & I have parented based on this diagram since doing the course in 2007. I strongly believe that this is one BIG problem area in the world today. An issue my children have been up against basically there whole lives is having friends who are allowed to watch/play things that DH & I believed at the time was beyond our children’s maturity level. Even now when my children go to the movies with friends or have a movie night, more often than not, the choices are beyond what we would see as suitable for our children’s eyes, ears & heart.
If you aren’t aware of the Parenting within the funnel diagram, here it is.
We have found that this method works really well. It’s not just about what they are ‘allowed’ to do either, it’s about what we as parents should expect of them. We simply cannot expect the same level of maturity in a situation from our 10yr old as we do from our 14yr old.
Getting back to the book.. Angie went on to write a song for Audrey which was recorded by Selah. I highly recommend you searching it up on YouTube and having a listen. It’s simply beautiful. The book itself was only $17.99 from The Book Depository. I always find their stock range fantastic, as well as the prices themselves and the shipping is always FREE !! Shipping time is always fab too. I always have it in under a week.
As always… I feel I could type on for so much longer on this topic… I think there may need to be a ‘part B’ of this blog when I actually finish the book later tonight.
Blessings Peeps !! xox