So today’s blog is coming at the end of an emotional day of struggle within me … struggles that wouldn’t have been noticeable to anyone around me at any time today… Many emotions.. frustration, sadness, confusion, fear, …..however I don’t like admitting to that one as it is a struggle in itself for me as I know that fear is the opposite of faith,…. impatience, guilt over wanting to control things, craving the man that God created my Husband to be… and well, so much more.
I’ve been doing some reading up on the topic of being married to an unbeliever. I’ve done this many times over the years, but it is a tough one as we don’t fit ‘the mould’ of most diagrams on the topic. My husband doesn’t have an issue with me going to church.. in fact he quite likes to attend, he has no issue with me tithing and quite often he will give, he has no issue with my Christian friends, he not only has no issue with me attending bible studies etc, but attends one himself with other men once a fortnight. So it’s here where wives with a, shall we say, completely non-believing husband, would tell me to maybe pull my head in and get over it.
Don’t get me wrong, I know that in many ways I AM blessed with the Husband God chose for me. We’ve travelled a very long and rocky road to get to where we are today, and even as hard as a day like today was, believe me, there has been far worse, days with far far less hope in them…. actually some days that appeared to have NO hope in them. I can very clearly see how far God has worked in me, in our marriage, in our family and in my DH, and I am beyond thankful for that. I just need to remember to ALWAYS focus on that… especially in tough times like today.
When your husband focuses so much on negative things in the world, and let’s face it, there’s plenty to focus on, while chosing to place no trust in God’s hand in ALL things, it’s TOUGH !!! When your husband tells you that your faith in God is not enough to solve the particular problems that he tends to focus on, it’s TOUGH !! It’s tough because I KNOW that I KNOW that I KNOW that God’s is so much more than enough to handle all that is going on in the world today. I lean on the scripture that tells me that Jesus came that we may have life, and have it to the full !! and Jeremiah 29, 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I am greatly comforted … but if I’m honest, sometimes struggle with…. the knowledge that I don’t have to be stuck in useless struggle when it comes to getting my husband to fully share/join me in my walk with The Lord. I know that all I need to do is fulfil my biblical role in my marriage, and God will do the rest. My responsibility toward my Husband remains just what it has always been: to love and cherish in every circumstance. The Bible says, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33)
I can be at peace because I already have the Lord working for me. He is much more powerful than anything I could say to convert my husband, working through the mystical union in one flesh that the Bible teaches. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:31,32) That is why Paul could speak of the husband and wife sanctifying, of making holy, one another: “For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her husband .” (1 Corinthians 7:14)
In other words, I can stop trying to change DH, which causes strife in our home, and start believing for a miracle instead. God is working to convert DH through me, but by my actions much more than by my words. God may even prefer to do the work without my words. “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” (1 Peter 3:1.2)
God has sent the Holy Spirit to change DH. I can’t convert him. No one else but the Holy Spirit can, because matters of faith are unreasonable to the natural mind: “The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, and they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.” (1 Corinthians 2:14)
It takes God Himself to convince people to believe. So I chose to release DH to God and allow the Holy Spirit to work. My responsibility is to be a faithful witness, not just sharing the truth but living it. Letting the life of Christ in me minister that love which will bring me and DH into that holy union that God has ordained for our marriage.
For me as a wife, being a faithful witness means respecting my husband’s role as the head of the family by being submissive to his authority. “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:22-24)
Is that a tough one at times? HECK YES when what I think he’s wanting to teach our children is nothing by Negative Ned Caboose !! BUT I lean on God’s amazing plan for DH and chose to focus on that, rather than the reality of the right now.
My title talks about an oval field.. I came up with that title after reading a story about a tennessee farmer who hitched a mule and an ox together to plow a field. The story is an illustration of being unequally yoked. When someone later asked him how it worked, he said, “well, it would have been all right if my field had been round instead of square, because we sure spent most of the time going in circles.” It got me thinking of my own situation with DH and I had no choice but to come to the conclusion that we don’t have EXACTLY this problem, as quite often there will be periods of ‘straight plowing’ in our lives together. It’s when we have some ‘curved’ plowing periods that we kinda end up with an oval shaped plowed field.
The 2nd part of my title mentions a wonky triangle. Now, this speaks to an illustration that I think of on a daily basis… I’m sure you all know it… that if a husband and a wife are walking towards God on seperate sides of a triangle, with God position at the point, then logic alone tells us that as they walk closer to God, they also walk closer to each other.
We all know this first diagram… the way I wish my marriage was, but in reality, it’s more like the second diagram, but in reverse… I could only find this image to make my point, but you get the idea of my wonky triangle. If you wanna get technical, I think that makes it a scalene triangle . I don’t know if this diagram tells it correctly though for our situation though, as I wouldn’t say that DH and I are far from each other in general… not at all in fact. We have a very good relationship… we are each other’s best friend.
More great encouragement for me comes from the fantastic Sisters in Christ that I do life with. How I would go through life without them, I have no idea. As far as I’m concerned, it’s just yet another thing that speaks to God providing for us in EVERY situation.
Blessings peeps !! xox